Half Ironman, Wimbleball, 17th June 2007    

Drugs Don't Work, Rhubarb Does What a weekend and a few surprises along the way. Not surprisingly after my storming performance at Blenheim I was pre race favourite. However, Blenheim was a super sprint (1 hour 22 mins) and not an iron man (predicted time 6 hrs 30 mins). It was unclear how Fetish's knee would hold up or just how much lard Cow Pat had lost in training. The Pope needed a miracle but had god on his side and the perennial under achiever Mr Magoo was due a big race. I started off well with a solid sub-40 min swim and 5 min transition. I was slightly disappointed not to catch Mr Magoo in his bright green cap. Cow Pat was wallowing several minutes behind after being blown off course. Undaunted, I set off in tepid pursuit of the myopic one.

The bike went on for ages. Cowpat flew past me after 25 miles (rather unsportingly grinning manically and drafting a Serpentine chick). The rest was pretty uneventful apart from when more Serpentine chicks sped past. I attended a call of nature (voluntary urine sample- all clear) in the second transition and after a brief spell of nudity rejoined the race in fresh gear. I soon spotted the Mr Magoo with a pained expression on his face who was suffering from muscle cramps. I also had cramps in my legs but ran through the pain barrier as instructed by Grumpy and sped past. Lap 2 was the hardest bit of the race and I just concentrated on keeping moving. Next up on lap 3 was the limping Fetish and then the run walking pope (if only he could walk on water). He gave me his blessing and I carried on in hot pursuit of Cowpat. However, all this was in vain since he had already finished. I ran on strongly and finished in 6 hours 15 minutes.

Top marks go to Cow Pat who blitzed the LadyBoys field. He is the drafting machine. The LadyBoys all finished in more than respectable times making us all winners. Top marks also to the fantastic support on the hill (with the exception of Karine - missing again). Highlights include Mrs Young's flapjacks, Fetish's barbecue, Cow Pat's crumble and Grumpy's massage. What a combination. Roll on Blenheim.