Frieth Hilly 10k,Sunday 18th Sep 2009, report by The Good Doctor

In spite of living here for all my druggie life, I've never considered the delightful village of Frieth as a possible spot for outdoor Ladyboy action. I don't know why, I mean it's got lovely lanes to run around, and there's no shortage of potential new recruits, what with Eton Tri doing their bike rides nearby all the time. And it's been a while since I ran around here, since I've been checking out the 2010 Ironman China venue under the guise of "meeting clients for work."

On arrival at the village hall, I met up with fellow Ladyboy Mr Magoo who was running solo, without The Bad Doctor en tow. She's known for not being a fan of hills or x-country, so she stayed at home to see if she could find Mr Magoo's secret stash of newsreader videos. An almost-Ladyboy David Jackson turned up to run as well, which well and truly scuppered my chances of being the first pink lad home in my local event. However, there was hope that Mr Magoo was still knackered from the Henley Half the week before, so I might just steal a 2nd place.

The gun went off, and 400 runners ran into the village, then immediately into the rough stuff. The first 3.5k was flat then downhill, so I decided to chase after David Jackson, but I was buggered by the first hill. Still, Mr Magoo was about 20secs behind, so no sweat there. The next 3.5k was uphill - jeeeesus! Was Mr Magoo gaining on me? Nope, still about 20secs behind. No probs. The last 3k was pretty flat, but by now I'd shot my load and was unable to keep it up. On turning the corner for the final 1k, I looked round and saw Mr Magoo, who delighted in reminding me he had caught up. Bast. I tried to make a surge up the final hill, but he stuck in there, and he eventually overtook me as we entered the village for the final 200m dash to the line. Double bast.

He ended up beating me by 6secs. Never mind, David Jackson beat him by 3mins, so at least Magoo can't say he won it. I went home a satisfied man, but then got depressed at the prospect of doing house decorating. I don't know why we simply can't get a Ladyboy to do it in exchange for a stash of EPO. I got some cheap on my last "client visit" in the far east. Might get Cow Pat to come round to do it in exchange for some dried banana chips and rhubarb stalks.